@Kim@tech.lgbt in Norway, ‘up and not crying is a not uncommon response to “how’s it going” type questions, and I fell like that’s a very reasonable standard to hold oneself to especially nowadays
I have experienced so many longest nights…
the scary longest night of childhood–
too scared to cry out for help in the dark
too scared not to
The sheer powerlessness of not knowing what to do
The longest night of giving birth
the pain, the trying to breath, trying to talk
everyone trying to help, feeling like no one is trying to help
I’ve not been Mary, but Good God the pressure
I have experienced that longest night
I have experienced the length of ten millions hours
Of the bedside wait for a beloved one to die
imminent, and yet too long
the wondering if staying is the best thing to do
or not, the talking without response–
the simultaneous hope that they know you are present
but that they don’t, because then they aren’t feeling any pain
I know the powerlessness of longest night moments of parenthood
Of sitting on the couch laughing so you don’t cry
Because you don’t know what to do next,
as your child is anguished and alone–
And you Cry right in front of them “I am here”
As they are crying about how alone they feel
I have felt the chilliness of the Longest Night of being alone–
how cold it feels to have no friends
what it means to be laughed at every time you speak
shunned, and ostracized
The awkwardness of being your neurodivergent self
And realizing there is no other way to be
And then again
during the isolation of Covid
where we all, kept each other safe
briefly
Before all the wars resumed
I have not experienced every longest night,
but I have had to pick what bill not to pay
I have stand in the grocery line with WIC
Praying that all of my credit cards do not bounce
I have had long payment plans with the IRS,
And preached to help the poor
knowing that I am actually being self-referential
When I think of the Darkest night of the Soul
and Jesus, with his guts spilled out on the cross
I feel like I understand a little more
when I had to relearn how to walk
how to eat
how to defecate
after surgery–and feel the worst pain ever to recover
(And it makes me wonder about If Jesus walked to Emmaus
because he had to relearn it, And if he didn’t eat, because he couldn’t yet)
The longer I live
The more I understand the Longest Nights
and I think, we need time
to sit in silence
grief
loneliness
charity
with one another
Because
humans experience Longest nights
And I believe God sits with us
and cradles us
and sings us lullabies
until the dawn
arrives again.
Happy Solstice The Shortest Day of the Longest Fucking Year of Our Lives
Please feel free to use/share/adapt with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta “KatyandtheWord”
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katyandtheword 