CW: Suicide, A Prayer for the Pastors

Here is a prayer for the pastors*
The ones who are quitting
the ones whose therapists ask
“Is there another line of work you can do?”

Here’s a prayer for the pastors
Who get phone calls about another piece of the building breaking…
Another pillar of the church in the hospital…
Another person threatening to leave…

Here’s a prayer for the pastor
who hears the whispers
who thought they would be backed up at the meeting
only to hear silence

Here’s the prayer for the Pastor
who draws the firm boundaries
but grinds their teeth
or gets migraines
or talks to their therapist, spiritual director and prayer partner to keep it all
together

Here’s a prayer to the pastor, who gets asked
“Are you the pastor???” on the regular
But has been serving faithfully, for many a year;
competently and well

Here’s a prayer of the pastor, who has intrusive thoughts
And suicidal ideation
Here’s a prayer for the pastor, who gets a donation for the poor
And thinks–but I am the poor

And has to figure out, which bill not to pay each month
And is striving to help their congregation
Even as they cannot meet their own needs
Because church’s cannot conceive what salary is needed to live on these days

Here’s a prayer for a pastor
who is far away from colleagues
And is lonely, and trying to preach from their scars and not their wounds
Here’s a prayer for the pastor

Who knows self care is not bubble baths and massages
But has little time, money or energy to do what needs to be done
Especially post-Covid
Here’s a prayer for the burnt out pastor

Here’s the prayer for the pastor
Banging on the governmental doors:
Civic, Denominational; Local and National
And says, “God give them ears to hear” and goes home with empty hands

Here’s a prayer for the pastor
who needs support
At every level
and cries in the shower

“My God, My God Why have you abandoned Me?”

Here is a prayer for that Pastor
I’m praying for you,
so you don’t have to

Feel free to use/adapt/share with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta

*This prayer is an amalgam of all those pastors who have been overwhelmed throughout my ministry life and does not represent any one person

Questions

A Poem

Questioning
……………Is so 
beautiful Have
…………………….You Ever
Ev
……………..er
……………………. Been caught un
awares by a 
……….Child’s quest
ioning queer
ing your 
……..brain in
making you ketchup
……… the sandwich 
of the world?
Your drive in
…….ter
In
………..ter
………………………. rupted
…………. Goals
Re
…………..Vise
You cannot
……………Block the Sun
with the 
…………………….Visor
Too 
……………Bright
ly 
………Eyeing 
Shin
…………..shin
…………………….Shining
Quest
…………Questioning
Quer
…………Queering
………………….Queurying 
Requeering
……………Requestioning
………………… Quest-Re
Queer-Re
………..Quester-Eye
………..Jester-
………..Gesture
………..In
Quire
………..You-are
Squire-
………………. ing
……..Eye-ring
Rupted
……Ter
….In
Caught
…….Ever
……………You
Been Have
…………………..Caught
Child By
Child’s Ioning
………..Quest
Queer
………..You?
Beautiful So
………..is
Questioning.

Feel free use/share/adapt with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta

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Here is the World, Beautiful and Terrible Things will Happen, Do Not Be afraid…

Content Warning: Sexual Abuse, Ordination Exams, Trauma

Bad Theology Kills
There are nicer terminologies to make
and there are definitely complete lexicons and entire books written of theology
Karl Barth has a really complete theology of love
Elie Wiesel asks tough questions about genocide war and abuse
Just today, Amanda Palmer
a somewhat Radical Feminist, who is all too imperfect herself (might I add) cited a quote her friend’s book
who quoted the famous theologian Fredrick Buechner
Amanda Palmer says “I feel this sentiment in my core today. I have seen, heard, been privy to so much darkness lately. I feel honored to stand near it, but also see – laid painfully bare, more than I ever have – the unfathomable and sometimes unbearable wounds of trauma. The depths. The seemingly unhealable.” She says this not knowing that this is a theological quote, but Amanda Palmer, pop star, gets it
that Life is a Terror text

And for me Theology is how you practice your Christianity;
It is where the rubber meets the road

Not being afraid means, dealing with the trauma as it comes, but also acknowledging that the trauma is real. One cannot pretend it isn’t real.

Because the reality is–Bad Theology kills

White Page that says Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid–Frederick Buechner

But for me…

When you force the people you want to be pastors
to sit in a room
utterly alone
with what is possibly the most traumatic text in the Bible
its abusive

I guess I should start with this: I believe in apologies. I believe in full and complete apologies. I believe in confession. I believe in stating fully who you are, what you have done right and wrong and trying to fix what is wrong so that we can fix that wrong things, and make things better. It is a core theology of mine.

I think that there is confusion
Those who are hurt do not want an apology for the Bible
The apology would be for the trauma

And when you don’t apologize
And you say–we have done such things before

And that does not make you examine how you have done things before

And when you feel like the entire weight of the church
ordination
and the denomination
is on your shoulders

And that does not make you pause
and confess
and think

Maybe there could be
a more life-giving
way to do this

And when person after person
has come to me and say
This is the last straw

And these other people tell me
I’m leaving ministry
and the process of becoming a minister
because of this test…

To pretend we have all sufficiently dealt with trauma
On the eve of the third anniversary
Of a worldwide pandemic
Is ludicrous–there is not such thing
as an untraumatized person right now
So yes, we know trauma is real
We also do not want to practice bad theological practices
Because Bad Theology Kills
We know this!

It is different to deal with a text
Where you know in advance about it
In community
When you can call your therapist
When your entire job is not on the line
When you can ask for help

Also

If you don’t think that the Judges 19 scandal
Isn’t cut from a similar cloth as the complementation scandal the Gospel Coalition is dealing with…
You are missing how women continue to be subjugated and ignored via the Bible…(See Also: How is this coming to a head when trans bans, drag bans, books bans, teaching history bans and rest is happening gives a lot of food for thought)
Because Bad Theology Kills: it is Killing calls to ministry right here and now

Picture of a women facing a panel of just men who say: It’s not that we don’t believe your story. IT’s that we don’t care. Cartoon by NakedPastor

Welp..I guess you were right..
I guess this test is that important
But not in the way you thought it was

If more self care is needed for pastor
By God, let’s do it!
I’m all for it!
What resources can we provide
Let’s hire full time Sabbatical pastors,
a therapist and a Chaplain, One for every
Synod or for General Assembly
If you want to be generous
For every Presbytery!


You think more education is needed?
Great lets open up free schools!

Let’s provide arts clubs and places of music & PE
all those things schools are cutting
(Fun fact Sunday School taught kids to read
FOR FREE
When School was inacessable, because kids had to work;
what could Sunday School be for the arts now–
If we took that as our model?
)

Lets be the most educated denomination
In the land. Let’s get that equity going!
I bet all the kids would enroll
In free college classes
In LGBTQIA and Community Organizing
classes
What more could we provide–could we give free virtual classes in the Bible?
What about classes about theology? The latest books? The Nap Ministry?
This Here Flesh? The Possibilities are endless.
Faith Seeking Understaning, we could learn so much together!

Lets help support all those Black and Brown Churches
The ones we’ve been ignoring for years
What resources do they need?
I bet they could tell us what they need, and why,
and give us a host of ideas, quick!
Let’s start it tomorrow.


You think everyone is overworked and tired?
Great, lets start pay equity and healthcare,
Could we provide healthcare for our support staffs
even more than we do now?
How much more can God do?
How is that Family Leave Overture going?

I can tell you every pastor I know is looking
at if your Presbytery has it before they consider moving there


Did your Presbytery, Synod or Leader agree or disagree
with the Judges 19 test?
Is your area dealing with a pastor shortage?
I bet there is a more experience oriented,
Justice-giving, innovative Matthew 25 way to
Educate and Support Pastors.

Did you know most pastors are older, LBGTQIA, POC?
They are not going to be the married white man
with children, and that is great, because most
ministries are going to be different from here on out.

If we are going to reach the community,
We are going to have to ordain pastors beyond the pews.

While we are re-imagining what it means to be a minister
(Hint: look at all the ways to minister in Matthew 25)
It might be time to rethink how we evaluate minister
s:

I don’t know about you, but while I am running my church’s
3 nonprofits, and taking care of my congregation,
I don’t have time to conjugate Greek and Hebrew verbs–
I love the vocabulary, but the community is just a bit more important

(Don’t worry its just me, I preach 48+ sermons a year, 13+ years, Princeton Trained, but my credentials matter less than my ministry work)

And while we are speaking of that and entry level ministry
How many entry level ministers go to a flourishing ministry
with associate ministers who take care of other things,
while they sit in the office and work on their sermons,
None?


My theology is to take care of the people first
Of course I do that about talking about the Bible
I reference (and study) the Bible EVERY single day
But I don’t do that in Greek and Hebrew
I do that by sitting by the Well and listening,

and Walking in the Community and meeting people where they are at
every chance I get to Community build and partner..
I’m just following the example of some Rabbi I admire…

I hope you have time to do that too
And maybe someday, we will realize that our goals are the same
To be a Matthew 25 Church
And to serve God and God’s people, together

Article by Pastor Katy Stenta
@katyandtheword
Feel free to use/share with attribution

Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard

March 5
Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard
Matthew 20: 1-16
Psalm 16:5-8

Call to Worship
God, how is it your grace is so expansive
Truly God, your keep calling us
Come let us bless our God who calls us
God calls us by name
Let us keep God before us, God who is always at our right hand!
God be praised, God is with us! Let us Praise God together!

Call to Confession: God is calling us to confess, Come let us confess ourselves to God

Prayer of Confession: God we confess that sometimes you have to call us more than once. Sometimes we are the ones that do not hear you until close til dusk. We confess that we envision ourselves as the early morning workers–but we do not know when it is you first called our name. God’s love is not a competition. Help us to remember that faith is always a gift, and that you are always, always calling us by name. Amen.

Assurance of Pardon: Hear the Good News: The Steadfast Love of the Lord never changes, God’s mercies never come to the end, they are new every morning, so we know that God will always love and forgive us. Let us proclaim the Good News: In Jesus Christ we are forgiven.

Prayer of the Day/Dedication: Let us go into the world refreshed by the Holy Spirit and remembering that it is God who is calling us by name. God loves us from the earliest dawn til the darkest dusk–let us go forth enveloped in that love. Amen.

Hymns: Morning has Broken, This is My Father’s World, Here I am Lord,

The Kingdom of Heaven is Children

A child asks an average of 447 questions a day
Be like a Child, Jesus says
They are the greatest in heaven
The wonderer
The messy, giggling leap-before-they-lookers

So many churches mourn
that they do not have children
But I do not see them attending sports games
or sponsoring tech and college scholarships
I don’t see churches at school plays
Why God?

If the kingdom of God is like childhood?
Why isn’t the church full of coloring
and children dancing down the aisles?
If the Kingdom of Heaven is children?

I got in so much trouble, Jesus, you know,
Because every time I got asked in an interview
how I would bring in young families
I would ask what the church was doing for the families…

Where do you children congregate,
if you’re a congregation?
I’d ask. Because if you’ve been on the floor with kiddos–
I don’t have to tell you, that is truly heaven.

You don’t have to be the greatest to be with kids
They don’t care if your are the best storyteller,
or the most beautiful person in the room
or if your the most famous
I’ll let you in on a secret, when you spend time with them
You are all of those things
That is how to get to paradise

Instead of asking who is the greatest
or how to get there, Jesus tells
us to spend time with our children
Not to ban books, not to change them
to love them and be more like them


How about that ?

Feel free to use/share/adapt with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta


Ash Wednesday: A Brief Narrative Lectionary Worship

Call to Worship
We are called God as the children of God
Come let us welcome eachother as the children of God
God invites us to unburden ourselves
Come, let us wonder at God together

(Optional Opening Hymn or Taize)

Reading of Scripture: Matthew 18:1-9

Confession of Sin: God we confess that we are caught up. We stumble. We want to be great, instead of having the questions or wonder or faith of a child. We get caught in our worldly things. Help us to let go of those things we do not be, and to be less weighed down. Teach us to be more like children we pray. Amen.

Silent Confession of Sins (We write ours down and burn them for the imposition of ashes, no water only oil is used and they are smoldered to be put out)

Imposition of Ashes

Assurance of Pardon: (based on Psalm 51) Hear the Good news, God judges us according to God’s lovingkindness and the multitudes of God’s tender mercies. Thus we can say in confidence: In Jesus Christ we are forgiven.

Communion

Communion Prayer: (Based on Psalm 146) Jesus Christ is the one who brings all together, forgiving us into being, executing justice so that the hungry might have good thins to eat and the prisoner might be free. Jesus Christ came to open the eyes of the blind and to uphold the blind, the widow. Jesus watches over the Immigrant. This is the one who sets the feast for us, is it any wonder that he forgives our sins and reminds us that we are all human so that we might love and honor one another as children of God together? Come let us pray the prayer Jesus taught us together (The Lord’s Prayer)

Communion

Hymn & Benediction

Kingdom of Heaven is for Children

Ashes Prayer

A Prayer for the Traumatized Savior

A Prayer for the Traumatized Savior

Here’s a Prayer to the traumatized Savior
Who no one,
Not one disciple
understood

Here’s a prayer to the mysterious Jesus
Who was beyond ken
who told stories and parables
and riddles
and answered questions with questions
and ministered to the hurt behind the questions
and only maybe, maybe answered 5 or 6

Because Jesus knew that ministry is not about answers
But walking with people in their hurt
and listening to their stories
and sitting by the well
waiting

Here’s a Prayer for the Jesus who saw people
really saw them, and called them, each
by their chosen name, and did not care
if it was different than their birth name, what miracle

This is a prayer for Jesus who felt more at home
with Lazarus Mary and Martha (or maybe there was just Mary
and we conflated one woman into two?) and believed in found families
and who had to retreat there when the crowds became overwhelming.

A prayer for the Savior who had to nap and escape to the middle of lakes
and the tops of mountains.
A prayer for the Savior who cursed fig trees and flipped tables
and yelled at the hypocrites and screamed SHUT UP, when the waves got too scary.
Here’s a prayer for Jesus, survivor of trauma, even before
Even before they went on that hill to the cross
And called misfits and the marginal to do the work with them:
tax collectors, widows, outcasts and those with foot in mouth syndrome

Here’s a Prayer to Jesus–who said, look for me in the most unlikely places
the immigrant, look for me on the edges of society.
Do not worry about me getting you,
Look for me among the lost sheep, the prodigal
the poor, the hungry
look for me among the imprisoned
those who speak gibberish
the sick
those without power
those without citizenship
the queer ones
the naked
the children
the lonely

This is a prayer for Jesus–who does not care about branding
or power, or how many people are Christian,
how many Christians we produce
Christianity is not a product

Here’s a prayer for Jesus,
Who is sitting with all of us
after a worldwide pandemic
from which we all hold grief and trauma
and from which, I still haven’t shaped the right prayer
So I’m sitting with Jesus–who knows what trauma is
and is making the prayer with me.

Feel free to use/share/adapt with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta

If you care to support me, please do so at my GoFundMe for my Doctorate in Creative Writing as a Public Theologian at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary Here (and many thanks to all those have supported my first 2 and half years I could not have done it without you!)

Effervescent Valentine: A Poem (CW: guns)

What is better than Child Valentine’s?
Where everyone is included?
The cost is low
the effort is loving
the joy of these children
is effervescent

What is better than Child Valentine’s?
Where everyone is included?
The cost is low
the effort is loving
the joy of these children
is effervescent

What is better than Child Valentine’s?
Where everyone is included?
The cost is low
the effort is loving
the joy of these children
is effervescent

What is better than Child Valentine’s?
Where everyone is included?
The cost is low
the effort is loving
the joy of these children
is effervescent

My youngest woke up at 4am
They made all their cards on the computer

A kid
on a mailbox
17 of them, printed
awash in their favorite red
(we are out of red ink)

Taped them to fun dip
Painstakingly wrote first
and last names
on Every Card,
Despite Being Dyslexic

What is better than Child Valentine’s?
Where everyone is included?
The cost is low
the effort is loving
the joy of these children
is effervescent

I want to stay in this joy

And yet, all I can think about
I how
all I want
for Valentine’s Day
is for all the guns
the AK-47s
and Bullets
to be regulated

A true celebration
of love

Lent, Narrative Lectionary Year One, Kingdom of Heaven

Under Construction

If this liturgy is helpful, please consider donating to my Doctorate in Creative Writing as a Public Theologian at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary

God of the Cross Prayer

February `12
Kingdom of Heaven

February 19
Transfiguration:
Matthew 16:24-17:8
Psalm 41:7-10
Suggested Micah 6:8 (again)
Psalm 46:10
The Kingdom of Heaven is Like God Shading Godself, for humans to perceive

A Prayer for the Traumatized Savior

February 22 Ash Weds
Ashes Prayer
Who is the Greatest
Matthew 18:1-9
Psalm 146:7c-10
Psalm 51:1-3
Kingdom of Heaven is for Children

Walking Towards the Kingdom of Heaven: Lent

February 26th
Forgiveness
Matthew 18:15-35
Psalm 32:1-2
Kingdom of Heaven is like Unending Forgiveness

March 5
Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard
Matthew 20: 1-16
Psalm 16:5-8

March 12
Wedding Banquet
Matthew 22:1-14
Psalm 45:6-7

God of the Cross Prayer

March 19
Bridesmaids & Talents
Matthew 25: 1-13/14-30
Psalm 43:3-4

March 26
Last Judgement
Matthew 25:31-45
Psalm 98:7-9

April 2nd 
Triumphal Entry, Cleansing the Temple
Matthew 21:1-17
Psalm 118:25-29

April 6 Maundy Thursday
Last Supper, Words of Institution
Matthew 26:17-30

Psalm 116:12-15 Good Friday
April 7
Crucifixion: Abandonment 
Matthew 27:27-61
Psalm 22:1-2 [14-18]

April 9
Easter, Resurrection
Matthew 28:1-10
Psalm 118:19-24

If this liturgy is helpful, please consider donating to my Doctorate in Creative Writing as a Public Theologian at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary

Narrative Lectionary Kingdom of Heaven

Call to Worship (Psalm 84)
My soul longs for God
My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God
Even the sparrow finds a home, a swallow nests
Happy are those who live in your house God
Come let us find our strength in God
Come let us worship the Lord

Call to Confession: Come let us find ourselves in God, through our confession

Prayer of Confession: God we confess that we do not always feel at home with you. We sometimes worry about that weeds, we feel choked by them, or we worry that we are the weeds. We feel parched by longing for you. Let us not worry if there is enough room, because there is enough room, for everybody. Help us to grow, thrive and nurture one another so that we all might know that our mustard seed of faith is enough we pray. Amen. 

Assurance of Pardon: God loves us into being, God comforts us and God always forgives us, know the good news: In Jesus Christ we are forgiven.

Prayer of the Day/Dedication: God will give us the strength to keep singing our song, and will always welcome us home. Let us go forth confident that there is always enough room for everyone. Amen. 

Hymns: His Eye is on the Sparrow, God of the Sparrow, There is a Wideness to God’s Mercy, Amazing Grace

Children’s Time: Talk about how God plants seeds no matter what and will always help them grow. The Carrot Seed book https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-carrot-seed-by-ruth-krauss/285680/item/11239840/?gclid=CjwKCAiArY2fBhB9EiwAWqHK6hg0wiGuxbfoRO12dqXkP7Pd9FFfBB_KljG0LF5rpB4g5BleNoL7yhoCYQwQAvD_BwE#isbn=B00065X1IC&idiq=11239840

Feel free to use/adapt/share with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta. If you find my work useful please consider supporting my Creative Writing Doctorate https://gofund.me/554d36e3

Canva Image by Pastor Katy Stenta can use with credit