God, I’m sitting with the fact that all holidays are complicated. Thanksgiving is the worst–because let’s be honest, the next one is always the worst one.
We try to remember to give thanks in a country where taking, enslaving and abusing people, land and…well everything is a part of our DNA.
And then there are the complications of not seeing family this year. And perhaps for some people, it’s emotionally safer to not see their family. Queer people who are rejected, disabled people who are forced to pass, victims of abuse or neglect trying to build bridges in a broken system.
So I’m praying for this complicated holiday, where everyone gets to feel especially lonely this year.
Teach us thanksgiving,
The Thanks part, and the giving part too.
Help us to find ways to safely connect and support one another. Help us to find the moments of security in this turbulent times.
But also, let us give ourselves permission for these holidays to be complicated.
Let us take them as they are, and struggle to acknowledge who and where we are this year.
This I pray in the name of the Holy Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Feel free to use/adapt with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta
Read about my journey towards a doctorate in ministry in creative writing and give a small donation towards my tuition! About Me: My Story & My Writing
And God knows the last recession, we were living on the edge, skirting bankruptcy, playing Russian Roulette with the bills, the credit cards, the job searches
I remember counting property after property for sale in 2010
This time the hurt is less visible. Those who are sick are quarantined, the hospitals are off limits, and poverty is hidden again and again (like we did) because it is a sign of shame.
I am all to aware the the suffering I know is but a microcosm of what is really going on.
So when things go right, when I realize we have enough room to live in, or we enjoy celebrating the youngest turning 9, or I get in to the program I applied for. I wonder is it ok to be happy?
Lord, I thank God for things like the Nap Ministry and Queer Theology and Black Girl Magic which remind us of the value of rest and joy, and that these things must be practiced especially in the midst of chaos.
Lord I give thanks for a moment to soak in the sun, the opportunity to zoom and pray for one another, and the early Christmas tree lights and carols that are seeping into consciousness.
Lord God I thank you for the beauty of snowflakes, the reminder that safe at home can mean cozy at home and the gifts of pets, hot chocolate, and my favorite music.
Help me to celebrate the little things, God. Help me not to forgo joy, but instead to embrace it, and let these moments strengthen me so that I am more able to go on.
Remind me that you give joy to everyone, even those who suffer, and that denial of joy is not helping anyone, I pray.
This Thanksgiving, please give me, and help me to celebrate whatever pieces of joy might happen. Especially give me the spirit and strength to recognize when these pieces of joy sneak up and surprise me.
Help me to enjoy them.
And appreciate them.
And give thanks for them, I pray.
Amen.
Feel free to use/adapt with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta
Read about my journey towards a doctorate in ministry in creative writing and give a small donation towards my tuition! About Me: My Story & My Writing
God, I’ve heard on the radio that it’s hard for us to grasp exponential growth.
That the concept that a 2×2 foot closet can become the size of a country a week is hard for our meager human brains to grasp.
And here we are, face to face with a disease that has exponential Growth. And God as the numbers stare us in the face.
Remind us that our actions are exponential. Please God, help our, you know we are only human, brains to process.
Selah!
For we know we cannot take in the magnitude of the grains of sand in the world, of the variety of species and genders and loves and in the mulitude of stars and planets in the universe.
This is why it is so hard to understand your exponential grace God, for it is beyond counting!
God I admit, I have trouble even grasping what a million of something means.
Help us process the growth of this illness, help us to have eyes to see and ears to hear, and bolster our hearts for we are Covid-weary and slipping into habits that are not safe.
Remind us that just as COVID19 multiplies, every single act we take for safety also is multiplied. That when we was our hands, or wear a mask or decline an invite or meet outside we are protecting millions of people.
Multiply our intentions to care for one another we pray. Make them twofold, fourfold, twelvefold, a hundredfold, for you know we need the support!
Increase our fortitude so that it burns on even when we feel like we are completely out of oil.
Bolster our socialization, so that a little bit on zoom or through car windows or across a field, might be nourishing enough for us to make it through winter.
Increase all of the good in the world God, so that the evil that is this virus can be defeated, I pray, and as I pray increase my prayer so it is your prayer, and your neighbor’s prayers, and let it become the prayer of the world. Extend this prayer, so that as we see Coronavirus surge, our mutual uplifting will flood as well.
Remind us that many waters of Covid19 cannot quench our love, neither can coronavirus flooding the very hospitals that heal us, even then Love cannot be drowned out.
Intensify our love for one another, especially in the midst of this crises we pray to you Oh God.
We pray all of this in Christ’s name, and in the abundance of the Holy Spirit, Lord hear our prayer. Amen.
Permission to Use/Adapt with Credit to Pastor Katy Stenta
Read about my journey towards a doctorate in ministry in creative writing and give a small donation towards my tuition! About Me: My Story & My Writing
because I don’t even know what my ducks are anymore.
How do I prioritize when everything is important? How do I do self care when my hours are chunked in weird ways and the schedule remains nebulous and to the wind.
Even when I breathe sighs of relief, or take moments of joy…I know that the ducks are waiting.
Sometimes they quack at me in the middle of the night, awakening me with all the things I’ve forgotten, or all the problems I’m not sure how to solve.
Lord knows, (that’s you God) that I don’t have my ducks in a row.
My work is never perfect no matter how much I try, my kids need more attention than ever (not to mention socialization) and I can’t seem to find a minute for myself.
Plus everything is different, still! Again! Always!
And ignoring the fact we can’t keep the house clean anymore isn’t really working either.
Are these even the duckies I should be worried about? What ducks am I missing? I’m sure I’m missing some, somewhere.
And I wonder if this is how Jesus felt, as he was chasing down that Wild Goose of the Holy Spirit.
Did he look around at the ducks and said, one of these is the goose, but I just can’t find the one I’m supposed to chase down and catch first.
But maybe, hopefully, the chase is enough. Hopefully between the chasing and the quacking, I have a moment to reflect on what I have completed, or what has gone right.
Or perhaps I will give myself one of those adulting prizes: for sleeping or eating or drinking water or moving around or taking medication. Those all count as important things done.
God, maybe my ducks have never been in a row–after all they are all your ducks and geese anyway. But help me to organize myself in such a way that I can let go of the ducks I can let go of and chase the right things to pursue the Holy Spirit of inspiration, comfort, energy and hope.
Maybe it isn’t about ducks at all, maybe it’s really about the Wild Goose of the Holy Spirit. Remind me to chase down the Wild Goose, and that this Wild Goose Chase is surely worth it.
God will help us to flourish, even at such a time that we don’t know where our ducks are.
Remind us of this we pray. Amen.
Feel free to use/adapt with credit to Pastor Katy
Read about my journey towards a doctorate in ministry in creative writing and give a small donation towards my tuition! About Me: My Story & My Writing
God, I’m in the midst of some kind of crises of faith.
As a person who always believe in happy endings, I’m not convinced it will all turn out alright in the end.
Because God, we are still being called into your story.
Like Jonah, who first refused the call. He didn’t want to go. He wasn’t going.
Ninevah wasn’t worth it.
Or maybe Jonah wasn’t worth it.
Either way, he didn’t wanna and God couldn’t make it.
So he hopped a boat to sail away–like the runaway bunny.
And then, the storms came, the dice were rolled and the fingers were pointed to Jonah.
God, Someone said whoever needs to go to Ninevah better get going…
but I know the truth, I know why it’s a crises, because the answer is us!
We are Jonah. And my crises of faith, is I don’t know if we can right ourelves.
God, I know you are speaking, whispering, yelling in our ears. God I don’t have faith that we have the ears to hear.
You say, help those who are in trouble: the lgbtquia people who are threatened, the black people who suffer state violence every single day, the women who are losing their jobs and their rights, the children and families who are still in f—ing cages!
And see, I know I’m like Jonah, because if/when people repent, can I practice grace?
I don’t have faith that I can.
So I’ll have to rely on yours Lord.
Holy Spirit, help me to breathe into this crises of faith, I pray.
Paralyzed as the election approaches–a million years away, and yet it’s coming any minute.
How are we supposed to plan for post-election, for advent and for Christmas when we don’t know what is going to happen?
How are we supposed to plan?
Don’t you know God, writing our sermons and prayers would be easier if we knew what was going to happen.
I’m not a skip to the end personality; but right now I am.
Anxiety is in the air.
God! I feel so small. So here is small prayer.
To survive until the election, to do the things that need to get done, to feed the kids, take care of the church, to stay safe and connected.
Take this small prayer that is in the hearts of pastors everywhere who are preparing to preach in a divided country, where some congregations are divided, or some congregations completely disagree with their pastor.
Lord, take this small prayer, and grow it into the prayer it needs to be for post-election:
Someone on social media today–I don’t remember who or where, said that she is super sick of the word pivot. That in the grand variety of our language, that we only use pivot.
I, too am sick of the word pivot and the pivoting itself.
God, let’s talk about how it is that you don’t need to Pivot! Because it’s amazing.
You exist in these sketchy, hard, uncertain thin places.
You already know who you are. And you remain you even as you exist in the mystery.
You don’t need to pivot, because you embody the liminal God. You exist in the in-betweens.
The gray areas are God.
The sun and the rain together (rainbows anyone?) are God.
You are in the the thin, thin air between the mountain and the sky. The squishy ground where the sand changes from shore to ocean, the moments of complete indecision–Lord, God, this is where you dwell.
So while summer is letting go into fall, while we hover over the places that are between rebuilding and destruction, while we wait between illness and health, and while we in the United States are in the already and not yet of election but not yet elected, God you are here.
You are in the grays.
Thank God you don’t need to pivot.
And if when we need to, help us.
And we don’t, when we need to spend time in the in-between, remind us that this is where you dwell, we pray.
Holy Spirit, we need to talk about this whole humanity thing.
Because I am plumb worn out from having existential crises about the human race!
Between pandemics, systematic oppression, the continual pursuit of power and principalities that screw the costs, and the whole the earth itself seems to be crying out from abuse thing, my head is spinning.
This is not to mention poverty, homelessness, neglect of those who are addicted, and the deaths of black and brown children, and I am reminded once again of the orphans which (again) have been created and abused by my very own government, oh and there’s a war in Armenia where my Aunt is located– I find I am bone weary.
Can these bones walk?
Holy Spirit, do you sometimes give humanity the side eye when you appear in bird form?
Because I trust in you. I trust God, and I love Jesus. This is not about that.
But I am dried out, cracked at the core when I think of humanity as whole.
I have found amazing human beings on earth. In the Singular I know individuals: gracious and forgiving ones, selfless and devoted ones, tireless and hard working ones. I love many-a-person…
But when it comes to humanity…
Well let’s just say I understand that whole flood thing better now.
Sometimes I wish I could do a reboot too, but we both know that doesn’t fix the inherent issues with being human
And so, here I am, stuck in an existential crises.
Why do we exist?
And, maybe the real existential question is this: if I know we can do better, how are we not doing better? Why?
Ok, but we have to try.
We have to show that those who are poor, or homeless are beloved.
We have to constantly interrupt racism and oppression, and plots to kill people or the neglect that lets people die. We have to stand up to power.
God, I remember a story in the Bible when someone asked Jesus a very political question about marriage, he basically said “that’s a human thing, God doesn’t care about such things”
Immediately this was followed up with a question about what does God care about, and Jesus responds with a simple “Love God, and Love each other” summary of, well, basically everything!
As always, when I have trouble loving other humans, I reground myself in loving you God.
Because I don’t know how to love humanity, and I don’t know why we are here.
So I guess I’m going to have to love you, and trust that you are continually helping us to course correct so that all things work together for good.
But right now, I’m going to snuggle under the covers, and tell myself that its ok that I don’t know how to process humanity’s existential crisis right now, because that’s not my job.
katyandtheword 