Tag: miscarriage

Anti-Mother’s Day Prayer

CW: abortion, rape, gender violence, miscarriage

This is a prayer for the ones aren’t mothers

The ones who claimed their bodies

and said, not right now,

or no,

Or whose babies couldn’t,

wouldn’t be–and so they wept a thousand tears, and said goodbye

before they had an abortion.

Here’s a prayer for those for whom the decision was quick,

and definite, because there was no time for anything else–and no room for any other decision to be made. And you know that God.

Here’s a prayer for those who felt too young or too old to bring a child into their lives; there are reasons why Sarai laughed folks,

This is a prayer for those who had too many children–do we know why Abraham and his coat of many colors and his stepmother died– and those who work too many hours, and those who do not feel like they would make good parents–Abraham I’m looking at you.

This is a prayer for those who were raped–like Bathsheba , whose bodies were violated who then had to make a hard decision afterwards.

Here’s a prayer for the widows or those hungry or alone or in hard situations like Naomi and Ruth. Here’s a prayer for those who choose sex work, who cannot be pregnant right now, the Rahabs who work in good faith.

This is a prayer those who might have wanted a child, but were definitely too unsupported–the would be Marys if they could have been–but they would have gotten thrown out, or who would have been in danger if they had said child–the ones who gave up their child, physically or medically because was just not to be–the Moses’s mothers of the world.

Here’s a prayer for the trans and the nonbinary people for whom healthcare and pregnancy or cost or some other piece was just too dangerous, I’m so sorry.

Here’s a prayer for the black and brown women, for whom birth control and abortion has become a tool of white supremacy to poke into their sex lives and to make them feel dirty–for all the Hagars of the world.

Here’s a prayer for all those who are not mothers, for whom abortion was healthcare, may you feel affirmed and blessed,

and know that there is no excusing faith becoming a weapon, to hem you in or to beat you up.

This is a prayer for all those who had moments of not-being mothers,

because Jesus knows that are beautiful, you are important, your choices are valid.

And he greets you by the well, and understands and affirms your decisions, and calls you lovingly, by name.

This is an anti-mother’s day prayer for you.

May you hold this prayer close when things get hard,

and know that God loves your full self,

the part that said no,

to say yes to a thousand other things–

God knows you and loves you.

May you feel blessed.

Amen.

Feel free to use/adapt/share with credit to Pastor Katy Stenta

Grief

My friend is trying to comfort someone who miscarried. “What can I do?” “How can I help?”

We talked about how this is one of those situations that just sucks until its over…

And we don’t have good ways to process miscarriage, we don’t usually have funerals or rituals.

So what is the right thing to do in this situation?

Whatever feels right. Our job, whenever there is mourning involved, is to sit by the person, to be present, to tell that person they are not alone. Our job is to be with people and let feel what they need to feel in this situation.

I have never met this woman, but I still can feel the pain of the loss…so here are some things I have to say to those who have miscarried.

I know that you were a mom, for all too brief a time, you were and are a real mom.

I know that you loved that child with your whole heart, and that you miss her. I know that you had gotten to know her, only a little bit, but that time was enough. Its not fair that you are without your child, its a terrible, horrible loss. And such injustice is angering.

So Be sad, be alone, it makes sense you hurt all over. It hurts because it was real, it was all real..and if you ever need someone to be sad, hurt or alone with, I’m here.

And…if I want to offer help, may I do more than offer “Whatever I can do, call me” because asking you to think of something when you are grieving is the opposite of helpful.

May I instead give a concrete suggestion that you can, unperturbed, say yes or no to. Offers like “Can I make you a meal?” “are there people I can tell for  you?” “Would you like me to stop by to give you a hug?” “Can I hang out with you, or help you get some time alone?”

And I want to tell you, you need to do what feels right for you. Do whatever you need to do. If your given a choice, don’t worry about the “right” way to mourn, just do whichever piece feels the best for you. I encourage you to do whatever you can to keep your connection to your child, to honor and remember her.