Lord God,
Remember me? I was the one who realized at the tender age of 3 that I would never be perfect.
Then at 5 I proclaimed I didn’t want to be perfect anymore, I just didn’t want to make any more mistakes
At 8 or 9 I decided it was ok to make mistakes, as long as I don’t make the same ones over and over again.
In seminary, I really understood that knowing what my faults are is not the same as being able to fix them (having been well aware of my faults for years at that point)
Here I am, thrust in the middle of crises and I am valuing presence over perfection.
I am sending out videos and virtual worships and trying not to review what went wrong.
I’m trying to let go of the fact I prayed the Lord’s Prayer Incorrectly last week.
I’m trying not to worry that I left someone off the contact list completely, and didn’t call her when I first called everyone else.
I’m trying to not clench my teeth every time I remember that somehow I thought ahead and wrote Ether instead of Rubina on someone’s sent envelope.
Let’s not talk about the zoom prayer that really never came together.
And Homeschooling is more for sanity’s sake than the illusion my children will actually learn anything new.
I’m making the videos, I’m throwing together the worships, the prayers, the phonecalls.
I’m appreciating the fact that my 8 year old son wanted to help me to very sloppily put labels on the Easter Cards, I’m trying to appreciate that for the first time ever I’m sending out Easter cards.
I’m finding special things for my kiddos to do.
I’m trying to remember the ways I am praying for family, colleagues and facebook friends. I’m trying to appreciate every essential person who is still working onsite right now.
And my family did get to have a “Zoom Dinner.”
I’m finding scattered time for you, God, in the midst of pulling my hair out.
I’m imagining Mary and Martha, standing tear-stained by the tomb. I’m remembering that when they saw you (tending the garden of course), they couldn’t even recognize you.
I’m remembering the same thing happened on the way to Emmaus, where the disciples even got to talk to you and didn’t realize you were Christ.
But in both instances, the meeting wasn’t about perfection, it was about presence.
The time they spent with you, the time you spent with them.
Easter was all about showing up!
So as I cobble together Holy Week, as I know that there will be no flowers, no choir & no little children running about sharing their joy. Help me to find Presence, I pray.
Remind me today and every day, O Lord: Presence Over Perfection.
Breathe in the Presence, Breathe out the Perfection,
Amen.
katyandtheword 